Andrew J. Lederer's BRAND NEW LIFE

Needless to say, the tuft of misplaced Pharaoh Jr.-like hair made me very self-conscious. In a room full of tables, I had to decide who was unimportant enough to see my imperfect head, using an improvised sort of mini-hirsutism triage. Trust me, it did not help that when I went to the bathroom, I discovered my undershorts were on backward.

No hosehole.

But yes … an asshole.

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