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I’m the bathroom attendant at a mid-level gym and I’ve secretly marketed it, without changing a thing, as an art gallery. It was a horrible mistake, as gallery tips are less than I got for drying men’s hands and schpritzing them with mislabeled cologne. Worst of all, I’m about to be found out. Where else, in this economy, can I get a job sandpapering vain men’s balls?

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